To paste your story on the other person is the beginning of manipulation and disrespectful violence. The story you paste on others is directly connected to your own desires and wishes. You desire something, the other must fulfill it and if this happens in an insufficient way, you will set your reproachful story on the other and start your manipulation of him. If someone is acting in line with your wishes, you probably will paste a positive story on the other. But both stories are about you and not about the other. Looking at both stories you will see your own desires are central.
The misery and worries of our mind are coming from a sense of dependency on other people we carry around. We believe we need the other to be happy. And we tell ourselves happiness depends on the ability of that person to make us happy. Romantic love is in essence nothing else but the idea that the person we fell in love with can make us more happy than others. When he or she fails, deeply inside we panic and start manipulating the other to force him or her to fulfill our needs better.
We all do it. We listen to each others stories, blaming others for not making us happy. We listen to the judgements and analyzes why somebody is no good. We are so afraid ourselves for facing our aloneness that we do not notice how crazy it is to think the world should live according to our rules.
We are alone, that is what we have to face. We are fundamentally alone while we are walking our own path. To face our aloneness will stir up fears. Exactly the fears we run away for by focussing on others to make us feel safe. Fear will tell you it is horrible and you will not make it on your own. It will tell you to cling to the other person. Stay with your fear, embrace yourself, allow it to be there. For me it felt like I was pulled down by a mui in the sea. At the bottom I saw cristal clear that fear was telling me a bullshit story, after which I was torpeded out of the mui. After that I found many changes in my personality and a new connection to the world around me. It is like I am rediscovering the world. Fear is not ruling my life right now, as long as I let go of all stories I set on others.
A sincere meeting
A sincere meeting with another human being can only exist in freedom. Yes the stories will keep coming up. What you need, to prevent being dragged into them, is a clear view on reality. The stories of your mind will feel totally real. They sound like the truth and you can’t walk around truth can you? Your inner dialogues won’t win. But opening your eyes, hearing the sounds, feeling the clothes you are wearing, tasting the food you are eating is being in the now. It is the only real thing.
Compare it with your inner world. If what you are thinking and feeling is not connected to here and now events, then know your thoughts and feelings are based on a fantasy. Your mind will relax, thoughts lose their power and your feelings will fade. Trust on that.
This is meditation. It is your work to become clear about the fantasy stories in your mind, to stop the manipulation of others and to find the beautiful, free and loving being you truly are. Nature can help you to do this as nothing else.