This video shows a common reality in Congo. But in Tanzania, it is the same. The abuse of women is based on the belief a woman is the possession of her husband. Please watch it. It is worthwhile to see.
Watching this video you probably will feel sad, bewildered and maybe angry because you are confronted with beliefs that you recognize as crazy. You probably will feel a distance also, because this is not about you and this is not about your culture. And you are happy you don’t live in such a situation. So you and your culture are much better.
Are we truly better?
When you are ready to look inside yourself and reflect on your own behavior in your marriage but also in your relationships with other people, you will find the shocking truth that consciously or unconsciously we expect other people to fulfill our needs. Many of our emotions are related to these expectations because we strongly believe that we depend on others to have our needs fulfilled. We are far from the experience that we are adults and can take care of our own needs. Therefore we developed many strategies to get what we want. We can cry hysterically, we shout or we use a fist. We talk smoothly or we show our arguments for hours or we refuse to talk to that other person for days. The moment somebody is saying no or tries to please us but is not successful enough, trouble starts. How many times did we lose respect and behaved manipulative or even (verbal) violent towards other people that were for some reason not able to meet our expectations? How many hours we have worked very hard to change that (special) person in the remake that can fulfill our wishes better?
We are all free. Freedom is our nature
We forget we are free and we forget other people are free. And because we forget that, we forget to give them space to be true to themselves, which also means we can take care of our own needs and emotions if other people are not available to us but are more available to themselves.
Some people will think this is selfish. I don’t agree with that. To take good care of yourself is rooted in the acknowledgment that we are adults and no children. So we don’t have to be treated like children and we don’t need to treat others as children, even if they believe they are helpless and depend on you. An adult is able to face his aloneness, a child will panic.
From childish narcism to maturity
There are projects in Tanzania that approach the men-women abuse from an economic perspective.
This means they try to convince the community that suppressing and even bullying or raping their wives (childish narcism) is bad for the financial situation of the family. The women are unhappy, exhausted, hateful and therefore show much resistance to their husbands. Initiatives to start or maintain a small business are failing due to the abuse of men. The projects show that nobody owns another person. Abuse is therefore not productive and so it is much better to work together in harmony. The projects prove that peoples financial situation improve when husband and wife show respect to each other and help each other on a more equal base (maturity), as you can see in this video. It costs a lot of time but these projects work.
To be left alone is our strongest fear
Nobody can own us or can be owned by another person. We have no rights. In the west, this looks very common but if we really understood it, we could never show disrespect to anybody and certainly not the ones we love the most. As long as we believe we depend on others for the fulfillment of our needs we will use violence, anger, gossip, discrimination, manipulation to dominate others. We need to feel power over others, to feel safe. If we feel power over our partners, we manage to control our fear to be left alone by them. And to be left alone is our strongest fear. It is our subconscious nightmare. We will do everything to cover it, so we don’t need to feel it.
All abuse is based on the idea that other people need to fulfill my needs
The statement I make is that we need to face our aloneness and come to acceptance with the fact that we are free, to stop us from abusing other people. And abuse is based on the idea that the other person must fulfill my needs. At the same time, we become victims of abuse if we don’t overcome that fear to be alone. We are unable to stop being abused because we feel dependent.
To connect more with our maturity
During all our safaris we are working with this basic program in the collective mind. We support you to make steps in becoming more free of the illusion to depend on others. The moment you get clear on this issue and the consequences for your life, you begin to understand what it means when you can let it go. It is life changing and the best ticket to relax more and to experience more happiness.
Karibu Tanzania when you long to see through the biggest illusion in your life of being dependent from your country, your lover, your boss, your colleges, your children, your friends, your religion, your…..