Last week I ran through the dunes near Overveen in Holland my usual round. I applied on a House with two long-haired tabby cats, whom do not recognize danger. Thus, they can end up under a car any time and are preferably bottled up inside all day. They are of course real cuddly cats. Everything which could resist against me, like my own housecat likes to perform, is bred out of this type of cat. A long-haired hangs in my arms every time when I feel like it. Soon I start unintentionally getting attached to this behaviour in an ego caressing way. Read more
After several attempts to catch attention and care by the mother or father, brothers or sisters, a child will skip its needs after several rejections or when parents for different reasons fail to support its needs . It learns it is much better to long for nothing and maintain low expectations then to feel this pain of rejection or shortcoming. The child retreats into a kind of internal numbed emotional state and it will look something like this:
From there this child has several options to be able to function socially like:
What else can I do?
Basically skipped desires and needs clear the way to focus on the needs of others to do whatever you can to fulfill their needs. You will be dedicated to soften, enrich, keep their lifes free from discomfort and even save them. You do not need much yourself and the balance between giving and receiving is totally lost. This unhealthy pattern calls for abuse and from a distance will look like this:
No one can hurt me
You do not need anything and soon you will notice that this is an extremely powerful tool towards other people. Where others make efforts to connect with you, you can allow your feet to dangle in the water. Where they crinkle to keep in touch, you will rise upright, keeping your distance and convinced of your own right. Where others negotiate, find new ways or solutions, you follow your own course unhindered by guilt or other bothering feelings. This unhealthy pattern looks possibly like this:
I desire nothing, I need nothing, I want nothing. Actually it makes no difference to me whether you are there or not, has the power to bring others in a position of powerlessness (think of teenagers). In case of a love affair, the startled loved one has a choice between two things, break off the relationship or slowly get mixed up in a unilateral relationship where the bounderies fade and the heart blinds to the painful truth that the beloved has withdrawn himself behind an unattainable armor. Nothing has so many negative power in life as to desire “nothing”. The world around them can jump up and down, pull, push, reach out, be loving, patient or show a respectful approach or even get angry, it makes no difference. Bit by bit their lifes can even change in a nightmare when the pattern gets narcistic characteristics.
Interestingly, it is equally true that longing for “nothing” is the powerful basis which brings us back to our essence, that place inside where we are complete and therefore free from the alleged dependence on others. But where pain changes this “nothing” to desire into destructive means of power and distrust rules, leads “nothing” to desire, by seeing that your desires are fulfilled, to relaxation, being present in the moment, openness and love for what and who is and therefore to better relationships with others.
During our safaris, we regularly do simple exercises to help you see that your desires basicly are already fulfilled. Can you imagine what your life looks like without the turmoil that unfulfilled desires create in your life?
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Mindful Adventure Limited
Isamilo, Mwanza, Tanzania
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